You cannot win by making a choice between two lies. Whether you feel good or bad about yourself, you are still left without any lasting awareness as to what that self truly is. That is why no matter how much affection you get and feeling good you may experience, it is still never enough. The moment that affection is gone and you perceive a rejection, all of your peace vanishes.
You want to feel good and avoid feeling bad about yourself yet you look to strangers to tell you how you should feel and who you are. All of this trouble because you do not know that self directly on your own, so you seek to know it through supposed reflections in the people around you.
Who you are is not something to which worth is relevant. It is when that is not realized that you then start seeking and clinging to worth.
Instead of buying water by the riverside, go directly to the river.
Instead of seeking security and comfort on your insecurity’s terms, aspire for peace under every changeable circumstance.
When you feel good, reach past it to touch peace. When you feel bad, sink your roots deep to rest on your foundation of peace.
Dancing to the tunes of your insecurity is like drinking saltwater. It will only leave you thirsty for more. It is not an effective means by which to know freedom and the peaceful happiness that characterizes such liberation.
“Drop the idea of becoming someone, because you are already a masterpiece. You cannot be improved. You have only to come to it, to know it, to realize it.” ~ Osho
Daily meditation is crucial to freeing your sense of aliveness from the limitations of thought and perception. I’d also highly recommend the book The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron.
Namaste sis :) Much love.